Sunday, March 15, 2009

Look-alike Can Kill !

If I had another person in the car, he would have heard my heartbeat without any effort. My heartbeat had taken a vertical flight all of sudden. "Was that her?" I asked none other but myself while staring the reflection in the rear view mirror of the car ahead me.


Image of the driver in mirror of the car ahead my car was very resembling to her. We were driving in the hills and there was not much traffic on the road. The very thought of the possibility of her driving front of me had risen my pulse rate. "Damn it Praney, let her be if she is her. Why you are so bothered?" I tried to agree to my inner voice and tried to calm down. But was that so easy? I was still watching her in the mirror, trying to confirm whether it was her or someone else. But constant curves and her fast driving didn't let me be sure. She was really driving bit fast. I am a cool driver and do not drive rashly but in attempt to stay close of her so I could watch her in the mirror, I accelerated a bit.


"When did she learn driving?" I was calculating all the options of her being her or someone else. "Why not ? Can't she learn driving? It's been so many years and without learning to drive a car one is burden these days." I was arguing within myself. "But what the hell you think are you doing you fool" the inner of myself jerked me strongly. "She dumped you years back and you foolish still fighting for her little glimpse? What difference would that make if that is her or someone else. Let her go to hell damn it" I totally stand by what half of my heart was shouting. I thought of slowing down to my normal speed. But the other half was doing his job silently "Just a look and we shall leave to our directions. What's the harm?"


The lady driving front car was quite like her. She was wearing spectacles like her. Her hair were short like her (as she had in those good times). And the town ahead was her parental town. An elderly lady was sitting besides her on the front passenger seat who could be her mother or mother in law may be. There were strong possibilities of her being her. "Did she see me too?" I was thinking cause I saw her watching me back in mirror. "She did not see you when she should have and when you needed her most, what are you expecting from her now. Don't be a sentimental ass---- and be a man. Let her layoff. Why can't you erase her from your mind even after so many years?" "Fourteen years" I tried to be exact to my self. My half heart was right. In these long fourteen years for countless times I had cursed her in those sleepless nights for what she did to me and then the same time regretted my own words for her. Since then I have managed to put a brave face in front of all. I haven't seen her for over fourteen years. She was enjoying her life (I hope) and I have grown above it too (I hope). I thought I had erased her off my mind and soul. Then why her thoughts still got the power to thrill me or to haunt me if to be specific ? What made me so vulnerable and herself so permanent ? I do not know how many kilometers I drove sailing in these thoughts. That car had sped away since long. I sighed and felt pathetic simultaneously. "Come on buddy, she is gone for good and you should get over it, live your life and throw her thoughts in the waste bin once for all." My mind told me like always. I agreed like always and turned the volume high of car radio.

My breath leaped at the next turn. That car was stopped at a gas station and the driver was stepping out. My all the vows vanished in the air and I was watching her with my jaw dropped. And all sudden everything changed dramatically. She was not her. I drove past them smoothly and my mind was laughing at me. "What the hell man. what a drama it was." Both halves of my heart were silent now. No one knew what to say. I wish car FM was playing "I'll get over you" from Pretty Woman.


8 comments:

PN Subramanian said...

It seems some kind of guilt is embossed in one of the chambers of your heart. Relished reading it. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

So so so.................. Could not think what to say............. but have to comment............. so,

"...............In these long fourteen years for countless times I had cursed her in those sleepless nights for what she did to me and then the same time regretted my own words for her.............."

I really DON'T understand that how come one cursed the person to whom once he/she loved so much................ How can one do that.............. I heard saying this from others too........... but it's beyond my understanding...............

Chalo accha huwa that it was not she. If you could not find it out then this would have been haunting you for you till you last breath as you could never know who she was.....................

But, lastly, I want to say my point that, you hate her, or cursed her your life long but the love what you had have for her, you will not be delete or erase from your heart. And you know that she was your first love and the first love will be there in your mind for always and it will come out whenever you see her no matter even you are in your nineties. That's the truth about love. :-)

Juneli

praney ! said...

@ Subramanian Ji: Guilt ? I am surprised.

@ Juneli: You have got my answer already.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Story and realistic touch.

I guess one had the want of forever love while driving and want of glimpse.... and complaining to the past all the worries came up..

Wish to read the previous series of the story if any. I like your style of writing.

Prem Piyush said...

It was me -

Prem

praney ! said...

Thanks Anonymous, wished you left your trails.


You mean it was you driving there Prem ? :)

Oxygen said...

nice story...
don t think of her anymore...
One who has gone, has gone! :)

Praney ! said...

LOL @ Oxygen: Hey don't get carried away buddy, this is sheer imagination.