My New Companion

My maternal uncle was professional photographer. With his Rolleiflex he used to click at me every now & then when I was kid. He taught me few tips including how to hold a picture in hand. My enthusiasm for photography started at that stage. And then in 1990 my sister in law gave me cute present of Mamiya NC1000s. I spent a lot of time and money on that one. But learning photography on old film cameras was very expensive. I was too hasty when digital cameras were introduced in India in 2000 and bought a 2.1 MP without making much fuss about it's very limited specifications. After that purchase I was determined to buy a good digital SLR and to be do photography as a serious hobby.

Since then every time whenever I made my mind to buy one, a new urgency would appear from nowhere. Priorities change so fast for a person in business like me that most of the times personal temptations have to take place at back burner. And my urge for a nice digital SLR was on back burner for good long years. But the time has to arrive and it did arrive at the appropriate time. After long wait and lengthy R&D, finally Canon EOS Rebel T1i is now hanging on my Naneu Pro backpack along a series of accessories.

Visiting places is not a new affair but with this new companion now the memories are definitely going to have new dimensions. My first visit after that buy was a fair at Kumarsain and many more are in the queue. I hope these journeys are going to be regular and memorable.

Just keep looking for what I look at on Flickr.

Sitting On The Bank !

"Actually my odyssey (for mysticism) had begun in Chicago when I was a stock broker. Working on La Salle Street at Bear Sterns made me feel important since I was on my way to becoming financially independent. I worked hard, knowing my future was set. Three years passed, and one day I walked into the office and surveyed the scene. I noted that one colleague was recuperating from his third heart attack, another was getting his third divorce, six others were using tranquilizers like potato chips, and everyone was heading to the bar daily to forget their trades. I wondered what malfunction I would acquire over the years. It hit me in a flash that this struggle was not worth it. I resigned the following week and chose the next obviously logical step in my evolution: I joined a monastery. " ............................Justin O' Brien wrote these words in his early pages of "Walking with a Himalayan Master - Swami Ram". And while taking on this book for second time I closed the book after I read these lines and my thought train left the station for yet another unknown route of unknown destination.

Though monastery was not the final destination Justin was searching for since years, but of course it was a start of journey towards the correct direction at the crossroads of his life. At least Justin was attentive enough to listen his inner voice and then also brave enough to act on it and for that he achieved what he wanted to explore all his life till that moment. Kabir ji have written :

जिन खोजा तिन पाया, गहरे पानी पैठ

मैं बपुरन बूढा डरा, रहा किनारे बैठ ॥

"Those who tried, they achieved, by entering deep waters, me coward and feared of drowning kept sitting on the bank all time." (One can interpret 'deep waters' & 'fear of drowning' in his own lifestyle but it do implement on every saint to salesman.)

Also there are (lucky ?) people who are not even aware of any inner voice withing themselves. They have never heard any internal sayings or in other words they don't have so much of calm in their mind, body or spirit that they could hear one. Also there are (strong ?) people those who do hear inner voices but those voices do not bother them at all or they are able to ignore those voices through out their life spans. And then there are people like me (Confused ? ) those who find & listen their inner voices loud and clear but they are unable to understand it. Listening and then acting to callings of mind is far away thing, for a person like me the difficult most task on the earth is to measure the dimensions of own mind. Who are we? What are we here for? What is exactly we are looking for? Are we really happy? Or we are sad unnecessarily? Which happiness is real happiness, the joy of winning a million dollars lottery or moments of peace of mind ? Does everyone feels some vacuum somewhere ? These are very confusing questions. And I don't know where they come from in my mind? And I am seriously bothered by this non stop blah- blahing of my mind.

Once a friend (whom I think is the one of few persons I know who enjoy every second of their lives and who kept poking me for not enjoying my life to max as I kept wandering in search of unknown objects, told me that whenever she visits her nearby temple she feels great eternal peace and so she visits that temple daily. Now that's confusing. If she have so much of fun & joy of shopping, clubbing elite clubs, social - financial securities, having an affectionate family, keeping body in perfect shape etc, why that few moments of peace in that temple is on the top of the her list? I know she would never agree to sacrifice that 'small' peace in lieu of those other worldly gems of enjoyment. So what is real joy ?

No this has nothing to do with spirituality. I don't think I am spiritual but yes I do think God is there and I think I am curious, too curious to be worse. I have lot of questions to put in front of Him. But I also fear that if anyhow, I face Him ever, I won't be remembering a single question for Him. May be just the luminous of His presence would complete my search. And if this all is called mysticism, let it be. But I have countless contradictions in compare to a person to be in the realm of mysticism. And that's what the whole confusion is about. And that is about measuring the dimensions of my mind which don't let me take breath on one side. 'Useless show-off sucks' I am of the view point but fancy cars & bikes do attract me. My heart would enlighten with the idea of exploring the unseen world but my practical brain reminds me of my duties towards my family. I dream of having a cottage at a hill top with the view of lake amid snow clad mountains but then simultaneously I want to own a penthouse in the metro I live in. The imprisonment of our dependence on materialistic things (how many things we need daily to leave for office like cellphone, laptop (with wi-fi), wallet, keys, wristwatch, glasses etc and we feel handicap even if one thing is skipped for a day) irritates me but on the other hand I do own and wanna own the latest gadgets. I know if one has to find hidden meaning of life he needs to read 'those special' writings but those writing makes me sleepy in initial pages and rather I would read a thriller in one sitting. The list including, monetary interests, human nature, mentality, sexual interests, family bounding, religious activities is too long and my being a pendulum in opposite directions won't let me recognize myself. The quest would go on!

Is anyone else is sailing in the same boat?

Against The Storm !

He was lying on the woolen carpet in his tiny bedroom with his head in her lap while she was sitting on the carpet with her back against the wall. Bright and warm sun rays were flooding the room from large window pan and turning the chilled air of January of the snow covered mountains into a cozy atmosphere.

It was their one of the very eagerly awaited weekly meeting day and both of them were deeply indulged in the serious task of sketching their future plans. Telling her parents about ‘them’, getting their approval for marriage or getting married without their approval, his setting up a visible carrier, selecting a new town for setting and starting their new lives, all these issues were very serious and heart pumping.

All of sudden he turned his head and asked her amusingly, “hey fruit & nut, tell me, how come you are always smiling at me? That day when you were along your dad, you were continuously smiling?” Hearing this, she burst into laughter gracefully expending her rosy lips towards her pink cheeks and revealing her perfect row of white teeth, “Hmmm”, she thought for a minute and then replied while setting his hairs on his forehead, “I will give you that answer on appropriate time.” The tensed air of their hot discussion was quickly transformed back into their usual and precious warmth of love.

Days went on and their situation was not at all improving. Her parents had rejected him and were brutally pressuring her to get married to one of the boys of their own choice. Their loving and soothing relation was turning into the mouth drying act of walking on a tight rope thousands of feet high in air from solid earth. Their futures were uncertain. Weekly meetings were turning into fortnightly or sometimes monthly cause of the strict vigil of her parents and no longer were providing relax and comfort to them as used to be in earlier days but rather turning into hopeless empty arguments. Looks among them were getting confused and filled with lacking of confidence. He was having sleepless nights fearing of receiving some heart tearing news from her side any day. Any human heart could have broken under such emotional pressure and she is only a soft hearted girl, his mind kept hammering him every moment. Can she stand against the storm?

And one day, during such meeting, she pulled out an envelop from her bag, handed over to him and said, “Here is your answer”. Caught unaware, surprised and confused of her sudden act he was wondering what she was referring about? It was a greeting card. They used to exchange greeting cards a lot, piling endlessly in their respective cupboards. Those mute cards had expressed countless of their feelings among them. But for the first time he was afraid of opening that envelop. “Could it be a “Sorry” card or a “Goodbye for ever”, his hands were freezing, he tried to read her face but it was rock hard. Exhaling his sigh out, he pulled the card with a paled face. It was a very simple card, the front page had a smiling duck saying, “You would be smiling too…………..” unable to understand, he opened the card further and read inside, “……………..if you were in love like me”.

“You asked me a question sometime back and here in your answer stupid”. Hugging each other, they both had wet eyes.

Cross Roads ! Part One

The car was running down the hill at the zigzag road. It was bright summer late morning and sky was as clear as the silent blue ocean. Ridding the car were three friends, happily chatting and laughing, though none of them were married but they were discussing a ‘not at all related’ topic of ‘how to bring up kids’.

As usual Sambhav was driving borrowed sky blue colored Fiat of his father, which was most of the time used to be at his disposal and was trusted source of joyride for him and his friends. Sitting by his side was his gorgeous girlfriend Shubhra wearing white suit with green brush strokes designed by her self and Punjabi traditional shoes effort fully chosen for her by Sambhav from an interior far away village of Punjab. Though Sambhav was driving the car, as well was the main participant of the discussion, he through the corner of his eyes would take an affectionate look at Shubhra every two minutes and she too knew that very well and was smiling back at him every moment their eyes would meet. She had made herself up just like Sambhav always wanted her to be and she knew he was simply overjoyed with her looks today. They were in the relation since many years and it was a well known thing among their friends and half the town. The only other participant of the discussion was Divya, sitting at the back seat of car and was bit another view of Sambhav’s. Shubhra would never argue with Sambhav or even would indulge in such discussions. She likes to remain silent and only would speak up her view when strongly insisted by others. She never liked Sambhav’s getting serious in such topics but in a corner of her heart she always felt love for him to be so honest of his views and she will always shift to the same opinion of him. Many times she used to think why she always agrees with him? Was it cause of her affection for him, they both were of same mind set or he is just on right track always?

The cassette in the stereo player of the car reached that time famous romantic song, ‘Phela nasha pehla pyar’ and all of three started singing together along the player. As the sun was getting high the heat started getting on. And because they were heading towards a lower area, the cool breeze coming in from the down slide glasses of the windows of car was getting hotter too. Sambhav again took a look at her and saw her pearl fair face slowly turning red cause of heat just like someone has thrown the saffron leaves in the hot milk. A drop of sweat came out from her nicely cut hairs, rolled down to her pink cheek and vanished down her neck. ‘Poor baby’, he thought. Had Divya not sitting behind the seat he would had kissed her. “I should have not agreed to visit Amit” The idea again came to his mind third time since morning. He was totally against the idea of going to Amit’s new place. It was only Shubra who made him agree to take Divya to Amit. The train of thoughts left the platform and started speeding towards the past in his brains.

Divya in her first year of graduation was cousin of Shubhra who was in second year of the same girls’ college. Sambhav and Amit were close friends in their final years of graduation in another college. Amit and he became friends from the day they met first time in the college in that time’s much hyped plus one. Though both of them were of totally opposite nature, a strange bond of friendship tied them together firmly. Sambhav was a person of strong likings and dislikings and always remained within invisible limits drawn by him self on the name of principles. Amit on the other side was a boy who through out his life had not gone through any restrictions of do’s and don’ts and had ‘enjoyed’ the every thing in his life. Initially Amit used to make fun of the views of Sambhav and Sambhav used to raise his eyebrow on the Amit’s habits, but by the passage of time both started getting used to each other and would bear & sometimes ignore the unacceptable too. As the time went on Amit started respecting Sambhav’s thoughts and surprisingly started watching changes in his own attitude.

Shubhra came to Sambhav’s life in these days only. It was a stunning pleasant surprise for all the Sambhav’s friends because he was known for running away from girls. Amit was most amazed by him as he kept running behind the girls all the years but could not find a ‘perfect’ girl for him so far despite many affairs. With the days passing on Sambhav and Shubra come too close and decided to marry only each other whenever possible. Because of them Divya came in the vision of Amit and he fell for her. One day very reluctantly he asked Sambhav to help him to bring Divya in his life and promised Sambhav to not to run after any other girl if she comes to his life. And that way story started of Amit and Divya.

To be continue……………………