DOG OF ALL THINGS
Murali A Raghavan
When my friend Ranjit wanted to strengthen the security at his Lokhandwala residence, the choice before him was to either install a Zicom security system or get a dog. Ranjit pitched his bets on the latter because a dog not only raised alarm but also mounted an attack on the aggressor and woke up the entire neighborhood and got them involved in your problem.
“Lets go” Ranjit said and we were off to a dealer to have a look in at the available stuff.
Mehta welcomed us and asked us to take seat. Ranjit began “Mehta, frankly speaking, I am buying a dog for the first time. I’d therefore like to see a few varieties before I could decide.”
“Sure” said Mehta and thrust an album on our hands and started explaining. “This brown one which is sturdy, long and well built with black splashed around the nose area is Alsatian. It is a great fighter and can scare anyone from a distance. If you have taken loan from Citibank and are unable to repay it, Alsatian is must in your portfolio. I have two of it with excellent pedigree. One of its ancestors held a top position with CBI. It is expensive but a great one-time investment. It is better to have one Alsatian than two sons who may send you to old-age home in your twilight years.”
“Can you show us something less expensive?”
Mehta turned the leaf and showed us another and said “This one is a black spaniel. If you have a temperamental wife who keeps throwing things around in a fit of anger, it is an ideal companion for you. A great reliever that it is, it will chase and bring back whatever that is flung. It has never dropped a catch unlike our slip fielders. His forefathers hail from the same place as Jonty Rhodes which gives it an edge in the fielding department.”
“Okay Mehta, what else you have on the block?”
Mehta turned another leaf and continued “Look at this one. It is such a fine baby with curly white hairs. It is called miniature poodle. You can call it by variety of fond names like Pinky, Dolly, Rosie, Darling and Deepu and have the same satisfaction of bringing up a daughter. It likes to go for a long ride in the evening and take bath twice a day with Aloe Vera and used to a luxurious life. So, unless you own a Ferrari and can afford two bottles of shampoo every month, you should think twice before laying hands on this.”
Ranjit flipped through the album and finally showed the snap on the last page and said “What is this? This black one with ugly look wearing dark glasses resembles some one from Tamil Nadu.”
“Yes. This is the latest to join the ranks of the dogs. Normally the dogs bark only at human beings but this one barks at Gods. Also, the dogs are generally faithful but this one is not. So you can say it is a black sheep among dogs. I don’t recommend it to anyone.”
“I don’t understand one thing. If you are not selling it why have you kept it on display?”
Mehta smiled “You see when people come to this page they feel any dog is better than this and buy one. It helps us sell other breeds easily.”